Tales From the Back of the Pack

Tales From the Back of the Pack

Wednesday, April 15, 2015

Are we all chasing the dragon?

I just realized I hadn't posted my weigh-in from Saturday. I had to weigh in so early in the morning because of the 5K, it didn't really feel like a real weigh in. There wasn't enough time for me to do all the usual weigh-in day rituals. Anyway:

So this means I lost 0.2 lbs this week. I can't help but to think back on those old Weight Watcher days when the weigher-inner person would make such a big deal about any weight loss. Even 0.2 lbs. So I'll take it as a victory even though I pretty much think it's not. Time to get serious. 

I haven't run since last Wednesday, and I had to get down to business today. I'm technically training for Bay to Breakers but since I'm not decided on whether I will be running the race or partying it, i'm also being super wishy washy on my training. 

Tuesdays are tough for us though. Coco has piano lessons, and while she's with her teacher I have exactly 30 minutes in which I have to make both our dinners for today and both our lunch for tomorrow.  

Coco's dinner....EVERY SINGLE NIGHT OF THE WEEK. No lie, this is all she'll eat.

My dinner...the zoodles aren't very pretty when you're in a hurry
Then, after piano, dinner, checking homework and bath, we have to bolt out the door for the Puff's Tuesday night church activity. It's an every-other-Tuesday obligation, but I take advantage of the time she's there to go on my run. I love to be able to run when I'm not taking time away from being with her. 

When I think about it, on a typical day, after making & eating dinner, doing homework, bath, prep for the next day, bedtime rituals, etc there isn't very much time for us to just be together during the week. Tuesday is definitely not a typical day. We've spent a grand total of 65 waking minutes together at home today and were busy the entire time. Tomorrow is also not a typical day and we'll be home even less time. Being a single mom kinda sucks sometimes. I usually try not to think about it. 

This run was 3.50 miles at 11:47/mi pace. I knew it was going to be a good run (for me) because of all the time i've taken off (6 days). My legs were pretty fresh.  

Was rewarded by a sidewalk lined with jasmine on my run today. It smelled like HEAVEN. 
Tonight my BFF Gloria and I had a deep conversation. About running. I think she's having motivation issues and asked me point blank: Why do I run? 
My answer went something like this: For me, it's like chasing the dragon. I used to experience the runners high all the time when I first started running. I would do a 2 mile loop around my neighborhood and come home exhausted and elated, on a cloud. Totally high. 

Nowadays I can't get that same high from running 2 miles. And I don't even get a high on many of my runs. Most runs are just hard and miserable. But I know that high is out there, at some point, and that it'll come. I just have to keep chasing it to get it. I don't know when it will come, but when it does, it feels like nothing else. That high is a feeling that I can run forever and ever and never get tired. That I'm superhuman. It's fleeting but it's magic. 

That's why I run. I don't know why anybody else does it. Is it for the same reason? Are we all chasing the dragon? 

Unfortunately I'm not sure I was helpful to Gloria! But she's promised she's going to keep at it.


  1. This is an interesting question. I very rarely feel a runners high of any kind and I never did when I first started running. I was running in spite of the fact that it was really difficult and a lot of times I didn't get any joy out of it. But now I get a kind of post run runners high! Afterwards I just want to relive every moment of the run even if it was terrible! I don't run in search of any kind of runners high, but I now get a kind of constant joy out of it.

    1. 'a constant joy' sounds like the best type of high! I never regret a run, but sometimes the joy is greater than other times.